UNPROOFED BECAUSE I’VE GOT OTHER SHIT TO DO!!!
I had high hopes for today.
It’s Saturday and I didn’t have anything to do.
But there’s a lot I WANT to do.
I need to clean.
I need to write jokes.
I need to write Substacks.
And so, in the interest of having slightly better executive functioning for the tasks at hand, I took my methylphenidate extended release1 and I went about my day.
I had some work stuff to do and some family stuff to do and then finally I had some time to myself.
This would be the time to accomplish one of the three things above, but instead, I just lay there.
It took awhile before I realized that I was having trouble getting motivated despite taking my meds.
Why?
Meds aren’t magic.
In the best of times, they help reduce the barriers between intent and action. I’m far more productive when I’ve taken my mini-meth2. But this time, I just wasn't able to overcome inertia with them.
Why not?
Well, it could have something to do with the fact that I’m going through a separation after 15 years of marriage and sometimes the emotional toll comes due at exactly the wrong moment.
I’m not a machine. I’m a brain and a heart3. Sometimes I'm just not going to be able to do the work, even when I take the meds. And that's okay.
Because you know what? They work often enough to make a positive difference in my ability to function. And that’s kind of like magic.
Brand name withheld so as to not show favoritism. I do not want to endorse specific products, as your individual treatment plan may look different than mine.
And no, it’s not because I’m tweaking. I’m fast without my meds, I just have a harder time starting.
To be clear, I’m using the metaphorical heart here, which is still the brain. Also, I am made up of significantly more organs than this.