Today I was hit with a bit of unexpected confirmation of what others have suggested:
It’s been suggested to me a few times, like this one back in March.
And my reaction was basically …
It’s not that I’m opposed to being dual diagnosed, I just felt like so much of my struggles, traits, and behaviors are pure chaos. So I almost find it laughable to put myself in a category of folks who prize routines, order, and a predictability.
But over time, I’ve been challenged on my thinking. For instance, this thread was a kick in the gut:
And people seem to REALLY think the social struggles I write about so frequently are reminiscent of autistic social struggles:
So I keep finding myself trying to explain certain behaviors that others recognize as autistic struggles, traits, and behaviors as potentially explained by my known ADHD:
When I asked my psychiatrist if she thought I could be autistic, I felt kind of silly, like I was asking for admission to a secret club where I knew I wasn’t welcome.
But then she smirked and said something like “You know, in some of my previous notes I have written in the margins that you should get assessed for autism.”
I’ve been seeing this psychiatrist for well over a year and she’s helped me find the meds that work best with my ADHD. And now, based on our previous conversations, she’s come to the same conclusion: that it’s worth looking closer at whether I might also be autistic.
She only said this to me about seven hours ago and my brain has spent a ridiculous amount of time considering this and recontextualizing things I do as potentially autistic traits working in conjunction with ADHD traits.
Like when I make plans, my mind can’t help but go on a manic scenario-painting spree about what’s going to happen, what we’re going to say, how we’re going to react, who we’re going to see.
But if those plans either go awry or are somehow completely disrupted, I am inconsolable for long stretches of time.
I always chalked that up to my vivid imagination leading to emotional dysregulation at the disappointment.
But what if it’s my vivid imagination giving way to something akin to a routine being broken, except the “routine” was played out entirely in my head?
I don’t know. It’s given me a lot to think about.
If you’re dual diagnosed, I’m curious how you adjusted to the news. Was there anything that confused or startled you as you learned more?