UNPROOFED BECAUSE I GOTTA WORK TOMORROW.
Something as simple as a conversation can easily be overthought, especially when the other person is someone you’ve never met before.
When should I talk? How long should I talk? Am I oversharing? Should I share this somewhat relevant anecdote? Are they done talking? Should I wait a little bit before responding? Am I being interesting at all?
Conversations are incredibly fraught exercises in interpersonal relations, something which ADHDers can be bad at even under ideal conditions.
I have no filter. None. I mean, it’s not like I’m blurting out profanities, but if the other person says the word “slug,” it will likely remind me of the time I found what appeared to be an undulating sack of alien eggs …
… but which turned out to be some copulating slugs.
I find it fascinating, but will the other person? Is it weird to talk about slugs having sex? Should I Google the image to show them, so they know I’m not making this up?
There is no end to the self-doubt that goes into an ADHD conversation because so many conversations we have are both the first and last. Some people find us too weird, too loud, too much, which they learn during that first and last conversation.
Other people either (1) have the same disinhibited approach to conversation, or (2) are comfortable with people have have a disinhibited approach to conversation. And those are the people, few and far between, who make ADHDers feel welcome in the world.
I’ve spent a lot of time replaying conversations and how I should have said things, but as part of my attempt to Relent/Less, I am going to try and not worry so much about how I come across to others in conversation. It’s pointless.
At 43 years old, I am unlikely to develop an entirely new communication style. Rather than try and adapt myself to other people, I’m going to simply focus on those happy humanitarians who enjoy hearing what my unfiltered mouth has to say.
They are out there and they can’t wait to hear what we have to say.